Nerve 16 - Job ‘experts’ paid millions for nothing

Job ‘experts’ paid millions for nothing

Ben gets his kicks winding kids up all day provoking arguments they can't win because Ben is a man of the world. Ben talks a good game of aspiration and hope in his edgy butcher's apron pinstripe suit and purple suede loafers with the hair thing going on under the bottom lip. He tried to import khat from Somalia as a herb, not a drug because he's clever like that. Customs wouldn't have it. Ben is sharper than other people but other people don't always know that. Ben is the Initial Assessment man for Jobs4U*, big winners in the government contract game to get the unemployed back to work. Ben talks a good game. Really. The kids can see a future. All he or she has to do is make the right call.

"Do you want to work for a large company, better pay, more opportunities but takes longer to get to the top? Or a smaller company, not as many opportunities but when they do come along, easier to progress. It's up to you!"
It's beautiful. The kid is beautiful. The kid is on a high. No one has ever spoken like this. Surrounding them, laughing and jeering are all the other kids but there is only Ben and this kid. A week later, maybe two, Ben's drug wears off and the kid joins all the others jeering the next kid round Ben's desk.

There are no jobs.

Not even for Ben. But every week Ben tells the kids there is a future because he's talking to himself, not them. "As soon as I get my 7307 [teaching qualification] I'm outa here," is his mantra. Then, to survive, he winds up the kids.

For their £millions private job trainers like Jobs4U claim to provide specialised job support - a CV, job search skills, interview techniques, and above all motivation. Jobs are hard to come by so they are paid to get people into 6-week work placements hopefully leading to a job. For many of the jobless, little, if any, of this happens. They are victims of 'Creaming & Parking' a government committee calls it, where private job providers focus their 40% job target on those most likely to find work and dump the rest. Literally, the New Deal kids wander between floors and sit off in empty rooms while the over 24's are kept crammed in a stinking training room/holding pen all day, where the only training is reading the Metro and sticking T-bags in cups.

The permanent full-time staff with a contract, the job search tutors, the recruiters, placement officers, the ITC guy, and line manager - have got to know it will all end in tears. They are outnumbered and no one cares. Every week the numbers sent from the job centre get bigger. There are not enough chairs, not even enough physical space, but still they keep comin'. And no one cares. There is still no flip chart paper, no markers, no folders, a broken photocopier, no handle on the door. There is no hope and no belief. But they have to motivate the kids and men and women sent here.

"When I came back from Australia I was out of work for ONE DAY. And do you know what I did on that day? I went to the job centre and I followed up every lead I could. DIDN'T MATTER WHAT IT WAS. DIDN'T MATTER HOW MUCH THE PAY WAS. The next day I was working. Valeting cars for £3.50 an hour. there was no minimum wage then! It didn't matter. IT WAS A JOB! AND THAT JOB LED TO A BETTER JOB. AND SO DID THE NEXT ONE. AND THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO. TAKE ANYTHING! Because any job is better than no job."

Nick is the Placement Officer, you can't help liking him, a little grafter who says, 'Plaa -AAACCCCE -ment' like he's just flew over a hump in the road in his native Bolton. He tells a lad desperate to be a chef to go to McDonalds on a work experience placement because "Their training programme is the BEST YOU CAN GET". There are so many conflicting rumours about placements you get Nick to tell everyone straight.

There are 80 people crammed into the sweating room all wanting to hear this. Do Asda take you on after 6 weeks? What's the point of going to a charity shop? What if you're not interested in retail? Are there any decent placements?

When Nick stands up you feel something like guilt slinging him in the bear pit, you see his eyes widen in panic as more and more people push through the door until they're lining the walls two and three deep.

You give a 20 second intro just saying let's not crucify him but if anyone's got something to say, say it.
OK, Nick, you're on your own.

You're the evangelist.
Talk the talk.
I'll be your cuts man.
So for 20 minutes Nick talks the truth.
And that's what saves him.
"No, there are no placements in the trades, or so rare as to be impossible.

Yes, people do think they are guaranteed a job after they have done a placement at Asda but no, they are not, and never have been.

No, there are not enough placements BUT YOU CAN FIND YOUR OWN AND I WILL DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO SET UP THAT PLACEMENT FOR YOU."

He stops. He nods to you, pale, covered in a shiny film of sweat, and heads for the door.
He won't forget you.
Touche.
A head down blind optimist with a heart.

It's the day it is strangely deserted and quiet that even you are wandering up and down stairs until you walk into a room you think is empty then see at the far end a group huddled around the tutor's desk. Seven or eight, mostly girls, listening to Ben off-load his troubles and explain the stress and why he can't leave.
"You can get a better job than this!"

The whole thing turned on its head. Clients supporting tutors. A scene that can only happen amid complete failure. Absurd and moving. If only some employers were here to see it.

*All names are made up

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Comments:

Comment left by Greg (nobody) Vogiatzis on 20th June, 2011 at 7:07
Fascinatinginsight that resonates my experience attending a Community Development course offered by a social enterprise (withgreat ideals and mission) Tutor ,brilliant , a "proper" person, co students, great bunch. Content ofcourse (did whatIwanted so ok) Concept of business and funding process, bizarre. A merry go round of targets and grants, students who never wanted to enrol or be there, rehabs, long term unemployed, other provider course spys and poachers and empty promises of finishing and getting work (ifu wanna volunteer first cos no community groups have money tohireworkers ) Enjoyed the article Mr Bottle, look forward to seeing u in the flesh again soon. Greg Apathy Smothers Revolution Solidarity Brings Strength

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