Back to index of Nerve 22 - Summer 2013

Beer Talk

By Joe Public (Nerve/WEA Review Writers Course)

The three of us were enjoying a drink in a crowded city centre pub, along with the convivial conversation.
“Remember Benny and Tom, the window cleaners?” said Alby.
Indeed I did. They were a bit of a local legend. After a hard day of cups of tea, plentiful buckets of hot water, loads of banter and several whiskies on the route to, or in the local afterwards, they rode home on their ageing push-bikes with ladders draped over their shoulders.
“Benny introduced me to twopence halfpenny” said Alby.
“Who was that?” I blurted out laughing.
“Not a person” continued Alby, “the card game”.
“I can remember playing that” chipped in Ted.
“There was about £20 in the pot” Alby enthused…
Benny was by now out of the game and Alby’s first time in the card school was going well.
“Can I stand behind you and see how you play?” asked a miffed Benny.
He watched on as Alby played and concluded “I don’t play like that”.
“That’s why you’re out!” stated Alby.
Benny was less than impressed and had to be restrained by the other players from attempting to “fucking kill” Alby.
Eventually the game continued and to the dismay of all Alby claimed the pot. The atmosphere was very fractious. Everyone was upset and Alby said he wouldn’t take his winnings. Sense, however, prevailed and he was allowed to keep them.
Things settled down when the result of the raffle was announced.
“That’s me” shouted Alby.
Amidst the uproar the prize was duly handed over.
“I don’t take size 9½ boots”, Alby informed the room.
Someone shouted “I do!” and he was presented with the boots by Alby, to the dismay of the raffle’s promoter.
More consternation ensued and even though he’d enjoyed the afternoon Alby thought it was a good time to leave.

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